What's wrong with me, really.

Watched 2012 the day MATH officially became history. Extremely epic the movie was; visual effects were mind-bogglingly awesome and the suspenseful actions kept me at the edge of my seat for most of the movie. However, there were admittedly some cliche elements in the movie; like how a conveniently died for the happiness of the protagonist, how those who died were the corrupt ones, how goodness and kindness triumphed in the end, and how every agony and suspense are prolonged as much as possible until the very last possible moment. It's essentially a very made-to-be-popular kind of movie, but it does make me think quite a bit about certain things....is it really true that everything that happens in this world occurs by chance? Is it really better to save a small pool of 'superior genes' and forsake the 'undesirables'? If everything depends on chance, then should we just leave everything to fate?

Buuuut then again, the visuals were amazing. I seriously don't get how people do it. It seems so impossible. -.-

Thursday's girls hiphop dance was insaaaaaaaanely fast but veerrrrry nice! Haha. It was challenging and fun, and it gave me plenty of things to work and practise on. Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie :):)

I don't know what's happening to me

I have been strong

and I want to continue to be strong

because I know I can

but I find myself checking my phone

every so often

and feeling disappointed

when it doesn't come.

When it does, though

it never fails to make me smile

such is the power that it has

and such is how weak I am.

I feel so vulnerable

I should be strong

I should be selfless

but somehow, against my will

I can feel wetness on my eyes.

I don't want to be like this

I want to stop

but I don't want to stop.

I'm holding on to something

that may never bear the fruits I want

but I'm too scared to let go.

I don't even understand why

I became this way

we are so similar

and yet so different.

Am I investing on something worthwhile?

or am I just being the usual me

helplessly heart-controlled?

I miss you so bad it's not funny.

I want you here now

I always do.

But I know it'll never happen.

And I'm just killing myself

slowly but surely.