Me and emotions.

I am but a swimmer
who loves her wild, moody sea
sometimes it's dark and stormy
the violent currents strong enough
to make every bone crush
every muscle cry
every vein burn.
sometimes it's excited and gleeful
the waters rolling in waves
the multitudes of fish celebrating along
surrounding me with their vibrant colors.
oh there are so many of them
most I can't even name
but they inhabit my sea
and for that I love them.
I most dread the time
when the torrential waves die down
and give way to a calm, serene ocean
when I can just float
and end up wherever
because it is during those times
that I feel the least alive.
During dark, stormy times
I get so caught up in the turbulent waters
unable to move
feeling only pain and disorientation
controlled completely
utterly helpless.
I know I should try to control it
this ocean that belongs to me
who knows how much of that pain
of strong, violent currents
that my human body can take.
What if it kills me one day?
But I know I can never get enough
of those happily swimming colorful fish
of the exhilaration I feel
when the ocean's gleeful waves transport me
to places I would never have known otherwise.
Those turbulent whirlpools
though painful and dreadful
are equally capable of carrying me
to otherwise-unknown places.
And somehow I know in my heart
that without allowing the stormy nights to exist
I'll never have the gleeful high either
after all
what goes up will have to go down eventually.
Maybe one day I should learn
to control this sea better
but for now
I'm happy enough letting it be
and discovering all sorts of places
that I'd never reach
if I keep forcing the sea to calm down.