Is it love?

People say that dreams often convey your heart's greatest desires. Well, that may be true, because this morning I had a dream that I so badly wanted to be real, but reality came crashing down on me and when I opened my eyes, I realized that it couldn't be anything more than a dream. And hell, reality sucks. It felt so real and so good, which is all great and nice, but is it worth the inevitable disappointment that you'd feel upon waking up? You're given the chance to have what you want for maybe an hour (nobody could measure dream-time anyway) only to know just how good it feels to have it, making reality seem suckier than it actually is. Before you got the dream, at least. So, is the dream nice by letting you have a taste of your fantasy, or is it being mean by showing you just how good it is to have something that you can't ever have?

For all I know, I may just be overthinking and exaggerating things, but that's exactly why I need to let it out here in the form of writing; for if I keep it bottled up inside, I know I'd just burst and overthink even more. My words may be vague and unspecific, but I guess it doesn't really matter, because I'd rather have no one besides myself know exactly what happened. I know you probably wouldn't ever read this, but I guess that's exactly why I'm writing this here; to act as if I'm speaking to you, knowing that it'll never be the case. I guess I'm not brave enough to say these to you yet.


It's been hardly a day
but not one second since I left
have you ever been absent from my mind.
I want this invasion to be over soon
because it just keeps reminding me
of something that I just can't have.
But since when do intruders ever listen?

Needless to say,
you've claimed a spot in my sacred chamber
permanent or not, I've yet to tell
I want to erase that spot
as badly as I want it to stay
So what am I to do?


I was so happy today
I never wanted that time to end
Never have I dreaded so much
the constant ticking of a clock's hands
I wanted time to freeze
but of course, I never get what I want.


I'll forever emblazon in my mind
how you stood looking at me
not knowing that I could see you
how you chose to sit near me
though you had to walk further
how you'd look at me with those pretty eyes
and I'd find myself looking away
unable to bear the intensity of it
how it made me so happy
to know that you've worn it
slept on it
drank from it
hugged it
it made me feel as though I could feel you
although it certainly wasn't the case.


I really don't understand why
I'm so helplessly captivated
I don't think I click with you as well
as I do with some others
I don't make you laugh as much
as I do to some others
You don't make me laugh as much
as other people could make me
Yet being around you feels strangely right
even silence doesn't become a problem anymore.

I don't know what to think
I don't know what to expect
all I know is that I killed all hopes
because I know that only heartache awaits me
at the end of the long, gloomy tunnel
it may even just be a short un-serious thing
but I simply can't deny
how much and how badly I miss you right now.
I feel like I'm melting into a puddle of goo
and I know that I need to rush back to the fridge
before I reach the point of no return
but I can't really decide
whether I'd rather be solid hard ice
or a slick gooey puddle.

Enough rambling for now. I miss you and that's that. Can't wait for the next time I'm gonna see you again. :)

Mock reunion dinner was quite fun ^^ Thanks for the food!